A Tale of Two Toilets-Part 2

Earlier today, I was out running a few errands, one of them being stopping at the Pamida pharmacy to pick up a prescription. Before completing this task, I stopped in to use the men's room located near the pharmacy. Upon entering the men's room I saw a 60ish fellow standing by the sink and, thinking nothing of it, I proceeded to the urinal to do my thing. I'd barely unzipped when the guy at the sink asks "How are you doing"? Admittedly caught a bit off guard by his question, I replied with a quick "just fine". He then proceeding to whine about his children "taking some stuff out and now it was going to rain and he'd be left to clean up the mess blah blah blah" By that time I was speechless, wondering what the heck this guys problem/story was. I finished what I'd came to do and went to the sink to wash my hands when the guy asked me if I was working today. Man, this was really getting weird, at least to me. "No", I said, "It's my day off". Thinking I was at last ready to leave this toilet twilight zone, the guy then extended his hand for me to shake. Being a quick thinker on my feet, I offered a somewhat lame "Sorry, I don't shake hands with all the flu and stuff going around". I didn't wait for his reaction to my denial, but got out of there asap. If only that guy know what I WANTED to say. I don't think I don't have to put those words down on paper or whatever it is I'm writing on. Those that know me know exactly what I wanted to say to this nut.

I headed to the phamacy and picked up my prescription. With no other shopping to do, I headed out of the pharmacy, my route ironically taking me past the Depends display. Hmmm, maybe I should pick a few of those up for my next trip to Pamida, kind of a preemptive strike against having to use the restroom here. No, I guess I'll leave them on the shelf. I'd hate to buy the last package and have some guy wet his pants at the next Packer game.

A Tale of Two Toilets - Part 1

I'm sure I'm not alone when it comes to having weird crap, wait make that stuff, happen to me in public restrooms. However, the events of the past two days have me on sort of a men's room roll.

First yesterday at the Packer game. It was about 20 minutes before kickoff when I decided to head to the john to get rid of a combination of breakfast coffee and the first Miller Lite of the day. As expected, the facilities I chose were jam packed with like minded guys. I theorized aloud that the wait may longer than anticipated due to the fact that 49er fans in attendance had to squat to do their business, an opinion that brought smiles to the green and gold faithful within the sound of my voice and a disgruntled look or two from the niner fans who had heard my words of wisdom. The lines were about 6-9 guys long for each urinal and distressing looks filled the room, especially from those located towards the ends of those lines.

After a few minutes of waiting, the fellow in the line to my left decide to enact his version of a stimulus plan. Holding a $10 bill in his hand, he reached ahead and tapped the guy who was "on deck" on the shoulder and tried to work a trade for his spot in line. His negotiations were fruitless, I suspect for a couple of reasons.

First, the guy in the "on deck" position may have had to go as bad as the guy proffering the trade. I did not detect any of the normal "gotta go right NOW" tics that we all have experienced, e.g. hopping back and forth on our feet, humming unrecognizable tunes, doing semi-deep knee bends, and doing involuntary facial contortions of such a degree that our own mothers wouldn't recognize us. None of that was present in the on deck pisser, but the guy with the 10 spot was displaying many of the above symptoms at this point as well as a few individual mannerisms that such a situation is often the breeding ground for.

Second, the economics of supply and demand is not all that hard to understand. There was a limited supply of urinals and believe me the demand for them was big time. To my way of thinking, the guy needed to offer Mr. On Deck at least $20, enough to cover a new pair of Wranglers at Fleet Farm in case he didn't "make it" it time after trading down a few spots in the urinal pecking order. Sitting through the game in some pants you wet before the game would have been unpleasant enough for sure, but I'm sure he could have spilled a $6 beer on himself and that would have, at the very least, provided an adequate "cover" story when he got back to his seat.

Oh well, enough about that. I really need some time to think about the fellow in the restroom at the Pamida store earlier today. More on HIM later...

Thank You Al Gore

Man this Internet is something! Like a lot of you, I like to poke around finding different, interesting websites. Craig's List is an outstanding way to waste your time. It's home to some of the funniest stuff on the net. I like to look at the things listed for free. Tonight I found a listing for a free bathtub in Lac du Flambeau, WI. They described it as "never used". What the hell is going on up there? I read the ad aloud to my wife along with a few cracks I made regarding the unwashed folks in the great north woods. Guess what, she told me to shut up! I was real tempted to e mail the poster of the unused tub with a couple of pointed questions, but after my wife's response, I thought I'd work on cleaning up my act. Oh well, tomorrow is Saturday, bath day, right?

Dogs and Me

Last time I checked, my rear end did NOT look exactly like a pork chop. But apparently the mutt over on Felshow street that took a chunk out of my leg last Saturday thought it did. Yeah, I got bit again while delivering mail. I guess that makes about 10 times for me over the last 36 years working for the USPS. As that works out to an average of 1 bite per every 3.6 years, I can safely? say that this last attack should be the LAST attack as I plan to retire in less than 3.6 years.

After the noontime attack of last Saturday, I spent the rest of the afternoon by first going to the police station to fill out a report after which I headed to Shawano to the misnamed "Convenient Care" center at the Shawano hospital. Whiling away about 2 and a half hours waiting for a foreign born doctor to come in all the way from India I believe to examine me is not my idea of a good time. Things only got better after that. Being given the third degree by a pharmacy assistant at Wal Mart because I had not activated a RX card provided by my employer was another highlight.


Monday was the icing on the cake, as the police dept. informed me that the dog, now under 10 day quarantine, was not licensed or current on it's rabies shots. I tried to downplay that at work informing everyone that I think I have rabies because I spent most of the weekend lying on the living room floor trying to lick my "wound". I also relayed how Mary was making me one of those plastic funnel things to wear to prevent me from licking myself any further. She's noticed some changes in my behavior as well. I don't seem to be using the bathroom as much as I used to, preferring the fire hydrant across the street. It's also been harder for her to drive her car with me along, as I now like to sit on her lap when she's behind the wheel and stick my head out the drivers side window to feel the breeze. I hope these things are just a phase I'm going through. The fact that I was bitten on Halloween day has caused me some additional consternation. I have viewed enough Wolfman and Dracula movies in the past to feed my growing concern that come the next full moon, things on Robert street may get a little more interesting.

I have to admit I was a bit worried about delivering the mail to the house where I was bit on Saturday past. The fellow is a bit"different" to say the least. When I informed him that I'd have to call the police, his response was, "Oh please don't do that, I'm on disability!" Hmmm, I STILL don't know what the heck THAT has to do with his dog taking a taste of my left thigh. I guess he's not a leg man....