I'm sure I'm not alone when it comes to having weird crap, wait make that stuff, happen to me in public restrooms. However, the events of the past two days have me on sort of a men's room roll.
First yesterday at the Packer game. It was about 20 minutes before kickoff when I decided to head to the john to get rid of a combination of breakfast coffee and the first Miller Lite of the day. As expected, the facilities I chose were jam packed with like minded guys. I theorized aloud that the wait may longer than anticipated due to the fact that 49er fans in attendance had to squat to do their business, an opinion that brought smiles to the green and gold faithful within the sound of my voice and a disgruntled look or two from the niner fans who had heard my words of wisdom. The lines were about 6-9 guys long for each urinal and distressing looks filled the room, especially from those located towards the ends of those lines.
First yesterday at the Packer game. It was about 20 minutes before kickoff when I decided to head to the john to get rid of a combination of breakfast coffee and the first Miller Lite of the day. As expected, the facilities I chose were jam packed with like minded guys. I theorized aloud that the wait may longer than anticipated due to the fact that 49er fans in attendance had to squat to do their business, an opinion that brought smiles to the green and gold faithful within the sound of my voice and a disgruntled look or two from the niner fans who had heard my words of wisdom. The lines were about 6-9 guys long for each urinal and distressing looks filled the room, especially from those located towards the ends of those lines.
After a few minutes of waiting, the fellow in the line to my left decide to enact his version of a stimulus plan. Holding a $10 bill in his hand, he reached ahead and tapped the guy who was "on deck" on the shoulder and tried to work a trade for his spot in line. His negotiations were fruitless, I suspect for a couple of reasons.
First, the guy in the "on deck" position may have had to go as bad as the guy proffering the trade. I did not detect any of the normal "gotta go right NOW" tics that we all have experienced, e.g. hopping back and forth on our feet, humming unrecognizable tunes, doing semi-deep knee bends, and doing involuntary facial contortions of such a degree that our own mothers wouldn't recognize us. None of that was present in the on deck pisser, but the guy with the 10 spot was displaying many of the above symptoms at this point as well as a few individual mannerisms that such a situation is often the breeding ground for.
Second, the economics of supply and demand is not all that hard to understand. There was a limited supply of urinals and believe me the demand for them was big time. To my way of thinking, the guy needed to offer Mr. On Deck at least $20, enough to cover a new pair of Wranglers at Fleet Farm in case he didn't "make it" it time after trading down a few spots in the urinal pecking order. Sitting through the game in some pants you wet before the game would have been unpleasant enough for sure, but I'm sure he could have spilled a $6 beer on himself and that would have, at the very least, provided an adequate "cover" story when he got back to his seat.
Oh well, enough about that. I really need some time to think about the fellow in the restroom at the Pamida store earlier today. More on HIM later...
First, the guy in the "on deck" position may have had to go as bad as the guy proffering the trade. I did not detect any of the normal "gotta go right NOW" tics that we all have experienced, e.g. hopping back and forth on our feet, humming unrecognizable tunes, doing semi-deep knee bends, and doing involuntary facial contortions of such a degree that our own mothers wouldn't recognize us. None of that was present in the on deck pisser, but the guy with the 10 spot was displaying many of the above symptoms at this point as well as a few individual mannerisms that such a situation is often the breeding ground for.
Second, the economics of supply and demand is not all that hard to understand. There was a limited supply of urinals and believe me the demand for them was big time. To my way of thinking, the guy needed to offer Mr. On Deck at least $20, enough to cover a new pair of Wranglers at Fleet Farm in case he didn't "make it" it time after trading down a few spots in the urinal pecking order. Sitting through the game in some pants you wet before the game would have been unpleasant enough for sure, but I'm sure he could have spilled a $6 beer on himself and that would have, at the very least, provided an adequate "cover" story when he got back to his seat.
Oh well, enough about that. I really need some time to think about the fellow in the restroom at the Pamida store earlier today. More on HIM later...
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