Slip Sliding Away...

As a mail carrier who walks 12 plus miles a day on my route, with winter now in full swing, in spite of what the song on the radio says, it's not necessarily "the most wonderful time of the year". Regardless of what a postal route inspector told me a few years ago, walking in December in Wisconsin is NOT the same as walking in July. You see, there's this crazy little thing called ICE, that forms when the old mercury drops below the mailman's Mendoza line of 32 degrees F and it can make life for folks like me miserable with a capital M! Most of you know what I mean on a somewhat smaller scale, dealing with the slippery adversary while heading out to your car in a parking lot or perhaps going outdoors for a walk on a brisk winter day. Now multiply that little sojourn by about 1000 and you may get a feel for what I deal with every day walking my route. Most folks are pretty good about trying to keep their sidewalks clean, but then again there are always those who can't be troubled with such trivial matters as shoveling their sidewalks. For the most part, the worst sidewalks always seem to be at the houses where the most people live. I guess there too busy inside trying to figure out who the heck all these other people are.

Like most of the trails and tribulations in life, it all depends on how you look at things. Yesterday for example, just up the street from my house, I nearly went on my 57 year old rear end on a guys driveway that for the most part was almost in June like condition. I managed to step on a patch of ice about the size of home plate that caused me to perform a maneuver so complex that I'm not sure if it would have worked better at a gymnastics meet or an ice skating competition. As ice was involved, I guess I'll go with the latter and after further review I believe that the trick I performed in actuality was a completely unrehearsed combination of a double axel and a flying sit spin. Sadly, I do believe the judges would have marked my score down a bit as I had to bounce off of a garage door in order not to go down to the pavement. But down I did NOT go! I maintained my balance, with a bit less dignity the price, and trudged on, for as we all know, the mail must go through! But it sure felt good to get home a few hours later and relax with a nice glass if wine, sure in the knowledge that my work schedule had given me a 4 day reprieve from that crap called ICE!

I think I saw Mrs. Woods

OK, maybe it wasn't Tiger's soon to be ex, but it all happened so fast it just might have been.

I was finishing up my lunch break at Mickey D's today when I headed to the Men's room before leaving. Barely inside the restroom door, I was nearly run over by a tall, good looking, young blond babe who was just exiting the stall. Our eyes met briefly and we both suppressed sheepish grins, me as the catcher and her as the one being caught. I shook my head, did my business, and headed back to work wondering all the while what might have happened had I not stopped at a brochure rack to pick up some information on a couple of ski resorts up north. Those fateful 45 seconds may have prevented one of my greatest blog postings ever. Oh, well, life goes on.

I Deserve a Break Today

After putting up with over a foot of snow and the first big taste of winter weather this week, after church today I headed up to treat myself to a little breakfast at Mickey D's. I love their coffee, but after observing the following while waiting today, I'm not sure it was worth the wait.

As there was only one register open, I was pleased to see there was no line and went up and placed my order and stepped to the left to wait for it to be filled. The next fellow in line asked the counter person if " the meals came with a drink?" When told "yes they did" he said "I'll have a #4". The server then asked "what would you like to drink with that". I nearly wet myself after hearing the guy reply " I don't want a drink".

I guess I get the guy's logic. The meal was cheaper than the two separate items but if you want to display that kind of lunacy in a McDonald's, I think you'd be more at home BEHIND the counter.

A Tale of Two Toilets-Part 2

Earlier today, I was out running a few errands, one of them being stopping at the Pamida pharmacy to pick up a prescription. Before completing this task, I stopped in to use the men's room located near the pharmacy. Upon entering the men's room I saw a 60ish fellow standing by the sink and, thinking nothing of it, I proceeded to the urinal to do my thing. I'd barely unzipped when the guy at the sink asks "How are you doing"? Admittedly caught a bit off guard by his question, I replied with a quick "just fine". He then proceeding to whine about his children "taking some stuff out and now it was going to rain and he'd be left to clean up the mess blah blah blah" By that time I was speechless, wondering what the heck this guys problem/story was. I finished what I'd came to do and went to the sink to wash my hands when the guy asked me if I was working today. Man, this was really getting weird, at least to me. "No", I said, "It's my day off". Thinking I was at last ready to leave this toilet twilight zone, the guy then extended his hand for me to shake. Being a quick thinker on my feet, I offered a somewhat lame "Sorry, I don't shake hands with all the flu and stuff going around". I didn't wait for his reaction to my denial, but got out of there asap. If only that guy know what I WANTED to say. I don't think I don't have to put those words down on paper or whatever it is I'm writing on. Those that know me know exactly what I wanted to say to this nut.

I headed to the phamacy and picked up my prescription. With no other shopping to do, I headed out of the pharmacy, my route ironically taking me past the Depends display. Hmmm, maybe I should pick a few of those up for my next trip to Pamida, kind of a preemptive strike against having to use the restroom here. No, I guess I'll leave them on the shelf. I'd hate to buy the last package and have some guy wet his pants at the next Packer game.

A Tale of Two Toilets - Part 1

I'm sure I'm not alone when it comes to having weird crap, wait make that stuff, happen to me in public restrooms. However, the events of the past two days have me on sort of a men's room roll.

First yesterday at the Packer game. It was about 20 minutes before kickoff when I decided to head to the john to get rid of a combination of breakfast coffee and the first Miller Lite of the day. As expected, the facilities I chose were jam packed with like minded guys. I theorized aloud that the wait may longer than anticipated due to the fact that 49er fans in attendance had to squat to do their business, an opinion that brought smiles to the green and gold faithful within the sound of my voice and a disgruntled look or two from the niner fans who had heard my words of wisdom. The lines were about 6-9 guys long for each urinal and distressing looks filled the room, especially from those located towards the ends of those lines.

After a few minutes of waiting, the fellow in the line to my left decide to enact his version of a stimulus plan. Holding a $10 bill in his hand, he reached ahead and tapped the guy who was "on deck" on the shoulder and tried to work a trade for his spot in line. His negotiations were fruitless, I suspect for a couple of reasons.

First, the guy in the "on deck" position may have had to go as bad as the guy proffering the trade. I did not detect any of the normal "gotta go right NOW" tics that we all have experienced, e.g. hopping back and forth on our feet, humming unrecognizable tunes, doing semi-deep knee bends, and doing involuntary facial contortions of such a degree that our own mothers wouldn't recognize us. None of that was present in the on deck pisser, but the guy with the 10 spot was displaying many of the above symptoms at this point as well as a few individual mannerisms that such a situation is often the breeding ground for.

Second, the economics of supply and demand is not all that hard to understand. There was a limited supply of urinals and believe me the demand for them was big time. To my way of thinking, the guy needed to offer Mr. On Deck at least $20, enough to cover a new pair of Wranglers at Fleet Farm in case he didn't "make it" it time after trading down a few spots in the urinal pecking order. Sitting through the game in some pants you wet before the game would have been unpleasant enough for sure, but I'm sure he could have spilled a $6 beer on himself and that would have, at the very least, provided an adequate "cover" story when he got back to his seat.

Oh well, enough about that. I really need some time to think about the fellow in the restroom at the Pamida store earlier today. More on HIM later...

Thank You Al Gore

Man this Internet is something! Like a lot of you, I like to poke around finding different, interesting websites. Craig's List is an outstanding way to waste your time. It's home to some of the funniest stuff on the net. I like to look at the things listed for free. Tonight I found a listing for a free bathtub in Lac du Flambeau, WI. They described it as "never used". What the hell is going on up there? I read the ad aloud to my wife along with a few cracks I made regarding the unwashed folks in the great north woods. Guess what, she told me to shut up! I was real tempted to e mail the poster of the unused tub with a couple of pointed questions, but after my wife's response, I thought I'd work on cleaning up my act. Oh well, tomorrow is Saturday, bath day, right?

Dogs and Me

Last time I checked, my rear end did NOT look exactly like a pork chop. But apparently the mutt over on Felshow street that took a chunk out of my leg last Saturday thought it did. Yeah, I got bit again while delivering mail. I guess that makes about 10 times for me over the last 36 years working for the USPS. As that works out to an average of 1 bite per every 3.6 years, I can safely? say that this last attack should be the LAST attack as I plan to retire in less than 3.6 years.

After the noontime attack of last Saturday, I spent the rest of the afternoon by first going to the police station to fill out a report after which I headed to Shawano to the misnamed "Convenient Care" center at the Shawano hospital. Whiling away about 2 and a half hours waiting for a foreign born doctor to come in all the way from India I believe to examine me is not my idea of a good time. Things only got better after that. Being given the third degree by a pharmacy assistant at Wal Mart because I had not activated a RX card provided by my employer was another highlight.


Monday was the icing on the cake, as the police dept. informed me that the dog, now under 10 day quarantine, was not licensed or current on it's rabies shots. I tried to downplay that at work informing everyone that I think I have rabies because I spent most of the weekend lying on the living room floor trying to lick my "wound". I also relayed how Mary was making me one of those plastic funnel things to wear to prevent me from licking myself any further. She's noticed some changes in my behavior as well. I don't seem to be using the bathroom as much as I used to, preferring the fire hydrant across the street. It's also been harder for her to drive her car with me along, as I now like to sit on her lap when she's behind the wheel and stick my head out the drivers side window to feel the breeze. I hope these things are just a phase I'm going through. The fact that I was bitten on Halloween day has caused me some additional consternation. I have viewed enough Wolfman and Dracula movies in the past to feed my growing concern that come the next full moon, things on Robert street may get a little more interesting.

I have to admit I was a bit worried about delivering the mail to the house where I was bit on Saturday past. The fellow is a bit"different" to say the least. When I informed him that I'd have to call the police, his response was, "Oh please don't do that, I'm on disability!" Hmmm, I STILL don't know what the heck THAT has to do with his dog taking a taste of my left thigh. I guess he's not a leg man....

Things I hate do

My list of things I do NOT like doing:

10. Going to the dentist
9. Paying taxes
8. Going back to work after having a few days off
7. Mowing the lawn
6. Picking up sticks and crap before mowing the lawn
5. Cleaning gutters
4. Bagging spring lawn crud
3. Raking the crud off the lawn in the spring
2. Hauling leaves to the curb
1. Raking leaves in the fall

As you may have guessed, I'm not a fan of any kind of lawn work. Some guys love it, gardening and stuff. Me, I'd rather watch paint dry than to fart around with that sort of stuff. I don't know what color thumb that means I have, but I know for sure it's not green. I hope this doesn't make me a bad guy.

Is it just me?

Is it just me, or do the rest of you find yourself yelling at your TV when you watch the news. I'm not talking about anything political mind you, but consider this morning's report on Fox 11.

The first report was on the sentencing, or lack there of, of a 20 something woman who was convicted of having sex with a 13 year old boy. Based on the fact that they were in a "relationship", which has now resulted in TWO kids, the judge gave her probation. He called their relationship "unique". Now I don't know about you, but if my seventh grade son came home and announced "hey, I'm gonna be a Dad", I sure as hell wouldn't react by saying "Wow Son, that's unique"! You can bet your sweet a** that had this been a 22 year old guy that got a 13 year old girl pregnant, he'd be looking at a lot more serious consequences than this woman received. Talk about a double standard!

The second story covered the case of the guy getting his penis glued to himself by his wife and three other women he was "messing around" with. The charges against his wife were dismissed. Hmm, lack of evidence or what the reasoning was I'm not sure but certainly this story is worth at least a grin every time it reappears. I think this guy should get a free pass from ever having to go to work again for the rest of his life. At the very least they should put him in some sort of witness protection program and give him a new identity. Can you imagine showing up for work after something like THIS has happened to you? I'm sure there has to be some stimulus $$ for this poor guy!

The third story was about the "balloon boy" case in Colorado. This freak show of a family is right up the main stream media's alley I guess. Who the hell names their kid Falcon for crying out loud, some "bird brain" parents I'd guess.

As I mentioned earlier, these were the top 3 stories on the news today. I'm not sure what that says about us the viewers or society in general but it sure reminds of something a friend of ours always says, "God must sure love goofy people because he made an awful lot of them". AMEN

One of the saddest days of the year...

At least that's how I feel about the day every fall when I take my boat to the place where I store it for the winter. Boy, I sure miss being out on a lake even when the fish don't cooperate. I got to thinking the other day of all the different people that have gone fishing with me in that old tub. Quite a few for sure and with every different person that I remembered, I recalled a story or two of being on a particular lake with that fellow fisherman. How come I can remember stuff like shearing a pin on the motor on Pelican Lake with Dave Kohls and John Fandrey some 20 years ago but I can't remember to get spaghetti sauce mix when I go to the store?

My wife thinks I'm nuts (I think)

Hmmm? After sharing my last post of about a minute ago with my better half, she kind of half nodded, said "oooo kaaaay", gave a small roll of the eyes that was barely perceptible and then returned to reading some of her mail. I suspect she thinks there's something wrong with me, but I could be mistaken. Just wondering where I can go for a second opinion.

What was supposed to happen in Rhinelander...

This photo from my personal "archives" documents what was supposed to have happened earlier this week on Lake George. In any event, I thought I'd share this photo with you in case I don't have my camera along the next time I go out in pursuit of our state fish.

Return from Rhinelander

Well we made it home safe and sound from our 4 day jaunt to Rhinelander. Please don't ask me about the fishing. Oh the process called fishing was great, a bit cool at times, but great none the less. The results of said fishing are another matter. In approximately 13 hours on the water over 3 days(Tuesday was rained out) I caught the grand total of 1 fish. One crummy, stinking 4 inch bluegill for all that time and effort. Only my Lord and Savior could have made a meal out of that. It was not all for naught as on late Monday afternoon after a brief phone conversation with my nephew and sometime fishing partner Jason, I had a musky follow up the large white spinner bait I was casting at the time. It was the fishing highlight of the week. Now I know many of you are scratching your head at this statement, but if you are at all familiar with musky fishing, you know that some times seeing a fish is all that happens. Sad to say for this trip, that was all that happened. The other highlight came while waiting for my wife to arrive with the truck and boat trailer at the boat landing across the lake at the resort we stayed at. I talked briefly with a fellow from Appleton who was also out in search of the elusive musky. After our brief conversation, he left only to return a few minutes later to pick up his rods and reels, which he had absentmindedly left in the boat. Having been the victim myself of such silly self inflicted behavior, I joked with him and wished him well a second time.

Coffee

Is there anything better in the morning than a good, strong cup of coffee? I love to drink coffee in the morning, especially that first cup right from the coffee maker. There are days when I don't have to work when I literally drink a whole pot by myself. But there are certain aspects of coffee drinking that continue to puzzle me. WHY does anyone drink de-caf in the AM? How can people scarfing down a fast food hamburger wash it down with java? Don't get me wrong, I love Mickey D's coffee. It's a far better value than Starbucks and a heck of a lot easier to order. At McDonald's you say "give me a large", at Starbucks you pull out your French/American travel dictionary and try not to look like a first time visitor when ordering a grande or vinte or whatever. I remember my first trip to a Starbucks. It was in Seattle and I went with my then 11 year old daughter. She being an SB veteran, led me by the hand and promptly ordered some 5 word concoction that I had know idea what it was. They made no attempt to card her so I assumed that the transaction that had just taken place was completely legal. I on the otter hand, stood stupefied by the menu of available beverages, finally looking the young pup barista in the eye and proclaiming, "I just want a regular cup of coffee". I KNOW that the little twerp behind the counter was chuckling to his core, but he successfully concealed such mirth, at least to the point of not embarrassing me to death. Oh well, we can all learn from our kids, can't we.

Ready for Rhinelander

Heading up north for a 4 days of R & R with Lake George in Rhinelander, WI being our destination. I Have enough clothes packed for about 2 weeks but I always like to allow for the unexpected such as falling in the lake, spilling on myself while eating something I shouldn't, and other such clothing catastrophes. I also have enough fishing gear packed to outfit about 5 people but that doesn't mean we won't stop at Fleet Farm in Antigo on the way up to check for any last minute lures that I can't live without. I'm approximately 3 lures away from maxing out available space in my tackle box so any future purchases may result in having to start all over with a new larger tackle box. Sounds like a nice wintertime project to me. Time to hit the sack. The muskies of northern Wisconsin are officially on notice! I am on my way!

Welcome to my Blog

As someone who as always enjoyed putting words on paper, I thought I'd try my hand at the blogging thing. We'll see how it goes. Not sure what I'll be chiming in on, but at the very least I should be able to improve my keyboard skills. Stay tuned!